When “basic trust” is missing from a relationship, it’s like trying to grow a garden in rocky soil—no matter how much love and effort you put in, things just don’t thrive. Infants who lack trust struggle to develop into healthy adults, and the same holds true for our relationships. Without trust, everything gets tense, and let’s be honest, nobody wants that kind of drama.
After nearly 60 years on this planet, I can confidently say my journey has had more sinkholes than a budget horror movie. Trust—both in myself and in others—has been my most persistent nemesis. Recently, I've had some enlightening insights about it, and I thought I’d toss my two cents into the mix.
I've encountered people from all walks of life, loved deeply, laughed until I cried, and cried until I laughed (that last one is a talent of mine). I've navigated through both Light and Darkness, and every time I think I’ve hit the end of my rope, I somehow manage to tie a new knot and keep going. That winding journey has taught me a thing or two about trust.
First off, trusting myself is non-negotiable—it’s the foundation of my sense of capability. But here’s the kicker: from childhood into adulthood, that trust has taken more hits than a piñata at a kid’s birthday party. It often boils down to choices—those pesky decisions that didn’t pan out quite like I hoped.
Why is that? I tend to take people at face value, and while this usually works out (professionally, I’ve got this down to an art), when it comes to my own life, it can feel like I’m navigating a maze blindfolded. My emotional involvement kicks in, and suddenly, my head is a whirlpool of chatter that’s so chaotic, even I can’t make sense of it. It’s like my past decided to throw a surprise party in my brain, complete with cold tendrils of doubt creeping into the present.
So how do I—and you—deal with this? It requires work, understanding, and a good dose of faith and determination. And let’s be real: the road won’t always be smooth. It takes a strong heart to realise that learning about ourselves can be both awesome and terrifying. Those moments of, “Oh! That’s why I do that?” can be both enlightening and a little cringe-worthy.
One of the most eye-opening realisations for me has been understanding ‘taught’ behaviour—not the kind where someone sits you down to teach you the alphabet or how to build a LEGO castle, but the subtle lessons we absorb from our surroundings as children. We soak up these behaviours without even realising it, so give yourself a break before you start pointing fingers.
Trust is that beautiful leap of faith we take in others, knowing they’ll remain loyal and loving. It’s the backbone of any relationship, and without it, that foundation will always feel wobbly. Trust helps us conquer obstacles and mend the cracks that life throws our way. It reassures us that despite the inevitable arguments, our loved ones care deeply. That’s the secret sauce for lasting connections.
Life without trust can feel like trying to dance on a tightrope—tricky at best. It’s crucial for healthy relationships, community, intimacy, support, and overall development. Without it, trust issues can fester into harmful thoughts and actions, leading to bigger problems down the line. Trust me, that’s not the kind of party anyone wants to attend.
If you’re looking to rebuild trust, here are some tips that might help:
Apologise: Keep it sincere and specific. A heartfelt “I’m sorry” goes a long way—just skip the “sorry BUT” bit!
Communicate: Be direct and honest. Clarity is your best friend here.
Be Patient: Rebuilding trust takes time—think of it like training for a marathon, not a sprint.
Show You’ve Learned: Actions speak louder than words. Show that you’re committed to change.
Ask for What You Need: Don’t hesitate to ask for reassurance or togetherness; vulnerability is strength.
Encourage Positive Behaviours: When your partner, friend, or family member shows the behaviours you want to see, give them a cheer! Reinforcement can work wonders.
At the end of the day, trust may be a tricky terrain, but it’s also the path to deeper connections and richer experiences. Let’s keep nurturing it—together!
Liz Wilde
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